A day in the life of the justices of the U.S. Supreme Court…

It’s a day for new cases at the U.S. Supreme Court.

“What is the first case up for consideration?” asks the chief justice.

“It’s Johnson, Smith, Jones and Johnson vs. Utah,” the clerk said.

“Oh, that’s the polygamy case?” said the justice.

“Right,” said the clerk. “Since the court, in its wisdom, decided that it would force all 50 states to allow men to marry men and women to marry women, it was inevitable that a case involving one man wanting to marry several women would come up.”

“I really don’t see how we can say no,” said a liberal justice. “I mean, all love is good love – right?”

“But no state legislature would pass a law allowing polygamy,” said a conservative judge. “If we do this by judicial edict, aren’t we becoming legislators rather than judges?”

“Look,” said a liberal justice, “some people are already living together with multiple spouses. If we legalize polygamy, at least we can control it and these poor polygamists will finally have the rights that our oppressive legal system has denied them for so long.”

“Let’s take a vote,” said the chief justice.

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“Passed,” said the clerk. “Now one man can marry as many women as he likes. And I am assuming that a man could marry as many men as he likes and the same for women.

“The next case involves discrimination. The federal government has stripped away accreditation from a small Christian college in Oklahoma and has stopped letting its students get loans because the school fired its dean of men students, who just married another man. The school is suing on grounds of religious discrimination.”

“I agree with the government on this one,” said the liberal judge. “You can’t fire someone just because he wants to be with the one he loves. That’s bigotry and forbidden by case law. These self-righteous Christians think they can get away with murder.”

“But this college believes in the Bible and the Bible clearly teaches that homosexuality is forbidden,” said the conservative justice. “They shouldn’t have to employ someone who not only teaches students the wrong message but is living in what clearly is a sin.”

“Let’s take a vote,” said the chief justice.

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“The next case is the United States of America vs. the State of Oklahoma,” said the clerk. “It seems that Oklahoma has not fully funded Obamacare  and the Obama Administration wants to force that state into a single-pay system.”

“A single-pay system?” asked the conservative justice.

“Yes,” said the clerk. “Since Oklahoma’s attorney general won’t cooperate, the federal government wants to end private health insurance in that state and replace it with a federal system. It’s kind of like extending Medicare to every age group.”

“Oh, that would work so much better than private insurance,” said the liberal justice. “We have to back the feds on this one for the sake of social justice. Sometimes, you have to lay down the law in these backward states like Oklahoma.”

“But the people of Oklahoma, the Oklahoma Legislature and most of the elected officials in Oklahoma don’t want socialized medicine,” said the conservative justice. “And this is a decision that should be made by them, or at least by an act of the U.S. Congress.”

“Let’s take a vote,” said the chief justice.

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“That is all we have time for today,” the clerk said. “Tomorrow’s docket includes the following cases:

“Marriage between an adult and consenting child.

“Stripping away tax-exempt status from churches that dare to say that homosexuality is a sin.

“Federal control of Internet content.

“Renaming the Washington Redskins.

“License forfeiture for any counselor who advocates against a homosexual lifestyle.

“Full amnesty for all aliens in this country illegally.

“Elimination of the term ‘Christmas’ in all public events.

“Declaration of Ramadan as a national holiday.

“Elimination of ‘In God We Trust’ from all U.S. currency.

“Removal of the Ten Commandments from the chambers of the court.”

“Censure of Fox News.

“Closure of all energy plants powered by coal or natural gas.

“This is great,” said the liberal justice. “With our first black president, we have solved racial inequality. We are going to break the moral grip of religion, more specifically Christianity, on our culture and we are going to overcome global warming. I think its great that nine people can overturn hundreds of years of oppression by just a few simple votes.”

“Lord come quickly,” said the conservative justice.