Forget global warming: increased gravity is a bigger threat
The world is under a dire threat that no one is discussing.
It is “gravity change.”
The new movie, Gravity, has nothing to do with this cataclysmic situation but it may serve to draw attention to this man-made disaster.
A tiny handful of genuine scientists – funded by the federal government – have been studying “gravity change” and their discoveries are alarming.
Gravity seems to be increasing and it has been for almost 60 years.
I have seen evidence of this in my personal life and in the lives of many of my friends and relatives.
When I was in my twenties during the 1970s, I could jump high enough to put my hand over the rim of a basketball goal (I never could jump high enough to dunk a basketball but that wasn’t extraordinary back then).
Now, as I approach my 60th birthday in November, it is a struggle to get out of my bed every morning. I don’t know if I could even reach the netting of a goal now. My feet hurt more because of the pull of gravity and even my facial features are showing a gravitational pull not there 30 years ago.
And here is more evidence. When I was a senior in college, I stood six feet, three inches tall. Now, I am more like six feet, two inches tall. There is no rational explanation except that Planet Earth is drawing my closer and compressing my stature.
Fashion designers have acknowledged the growing effects of gravity in the designs of women’s undergarments. Think of all the plastic surgeons who would be out of work if increasing gravity were not taking its toll on the faces of our senior citizens.
Obviously, gravity is increasing on Planet Earth. Using the scientific method of observation, you can reach no other conclusion.
We have a brick fence in our backyard. When we moved here in 1997, all the bricks were intact and in perfect shape. Now, some of the bricks on that fence have loosened and some have even fallen to the ground.
What else could it be but increased gravity?
And increased gravity is taking its toll on wildlife. Have you noticed how lethargic the polar bears in zoos have become? Could this be because they struggle to break the growing bonds of more gravity?
For the past 10 years, my Boston terrier has been able to leap on top of our living room sofa with ease. Now, she still makes that leap but with greater difficulty.
I don’t want to be alarmist or conspiratorial but what happens to Earth if our gravity becomes so great that it forces a collision with the Moon? Or even worse, what if our gravity overpowers the Sun?
So, if this scientific breakthrough is genuine, what can we do to save our Planet?
The first thing to do is to have the federal government fund research on helium and see if somehow that can be harnessed to counteract the increased gravity.
Another solution would be to slow the rotation of the Earth. We could do that if everyone on the planet would spend five hours a day walking toward the east. Since the planet rotates toward the west, this hourly migration would tend to slow down the rotation and therefore mitigate the growing gravity.
The one thing we can’t do is do nothing. We need an anti-gravity tax in America to spread wealth to the Third World so that tribesmen in Somalia don’t get stuck to the surface of the planet.
Unlike global warming, gravity is a law. And it must be obeyed. (Try jumping off a windmill if you don’t believe in the law of gravity and see what happens).
Some may be thinking, we didn’t cause this problem, why should America have to solve it?
America has never shied away from its role as a world leader. Who will rise up to take on the challenge of increasing gravity? Perhaps Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey? Maybe former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton? Both could approach the problem with keen personal insight into the problem of gravitational pull.
America needs to be “rise to the occasion” despite the increased gravity of the planet.
Sir Isaac Newton, who formulated universal gravitation, would roll over in his grave if he knew that we are not responding to this worldwide crisis. Only it would be harder for him to roll over now because of increased gravity than when he was laid to rest in 1727, when gravity was manageable.
• A woman came to her doctor in a panic.
“Doctor, all day long my daughter eats yeast and car wax, and won’t get out of bed! What will happen to her?”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor, “eventually she will rise and shine.”
• A man was taking a shortcut to my destination through a cemetery. That was a mistake, because the gravediggers had just opened a new site, in preparations for a funeral early the next morning.
Since it was dark and drizzling he didn’t notice the pit, causing him to take an unfortunate plunge right into the deep hole. Because of the wet weather the sides of the hole were slippery, in addition to being deep. Try though he did (again and again), he could not climb out. Finally he realized that he would just have to wait for someone to come along the next morning. Having decided thus, he settled into the driest corner and tried to get some sleep.
Just before dawn, he heard another man coming. He was singing to himself, and he sounded very drunk. But before he could warn him about the treacherous hole, he heard him stumble, and looked up to see him fall almost right on top of the first man. He yelped in fright and started trying his best to get back topside.
In his desperation to escape however, he somehow missed noticing the first man’s presence. After watching him struggle a few times to escape, he decided to try and calm him. “It’s no use,” he said. “You can’t get out!”
…but he did!
• A city politician is badly hurt after falling down the stairs at city hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days.
Finally he recovers, and his doctor tells him, “My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you will never be able to work again.”
“Okay,” said the injured politician. “What’s the bad news?”
• A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the very old age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.