(Sarcasm alert) Hey, let’s all go get drunk and gamble…

Hey, let’s all go get drunk.

That’s what we do in Tulsa and in Oklahoma. Let the wine flow like water. After all, how can a little snort now and then hurt anything?

We love our booze. The only casino actually in the city limits now has “Margaritaville.” Isn’t Margaritaville an island where you go to get drunk? In Margaritaville, you don’t just sip a small glass of white wine – you drink a cooler filled with hard beer with limes stuck in the tops of the bottles.

And what is better than getting drunk while you are gambling? The biggest problem striking it rich at the casino is your inhibitions and a few margaritas can quickly cure that problem. I am sure the personnel at the casino will make sure you don’t get too drunk because that would make you lose more money than you wanted to.

And after you have had your fill at the casino, you can go booze it up at Tulsa ONEOK Field. That’s right. They are building a new scoreboard bar at the downtown baseball park because apparently baseball fans aren’t getting drunk fast enough.

It will serve “dozens of imported and domestic beers” and several Oklahoma “craft beers.” If you are going to get drunk, it’s better to get drunk on local beers because that really helps our economy.

And here’s something really exciting for those who like to drink until they fall down – thanks to the passage of State Question 792, you can soon buy a bottle ice-cold wine at QuikTrip or Reasors or maybe Wal-Greens.

That’s almost as good as a trip to Margaritaville.

Just like in the “vote yes” commercial, it was terribly inconvenient for a boozing housewife to go grocery shopping and also have to go to the liquor store for a case of wine. And then you had to chill the wine and beer yourself. Think how agonizing it was to have to wait an hour to down a fifth of cheap wine.

And this teaches our school children that having 118 casinos and selling liquor in almost every convenience store and grocery is genuine economic developed.

Let’s face it. All of us got phony IDs and bought beer when we were in high school. So there is nothing wrong with that. The laws are archaic.

And the best part of having all of this liquor so available is that it just shows up all those religious bigots who think that just because you drink a lot every day that you are an alcoholic. I’d like to see the statistics on how many times people have driven home drunk and not gotten into an accident. It probably happens a hundred times more than when a drunk plows into another car.

By “modernizing” our liquor laws, Oklahoma is taking a step toward becoming more like Europe. Isn’t that what we want?

Alcohol should be a part of everyone’s daily lives. It is so good for us. Even the Bible says so (even though it is a sin to overindulge).

Our work is not done.

We need to catch up with California and Colorado and the rest of the country and legalize medical marijuana (wink, wink). It is so good for people.

And you know what, most of these states who have legalized pot have taken that one step further and decriminalized recreational use of marijuana. Why should the government care if I smoke weed in my own home? Or if I grow a little patch on my patio and share some with my friends when they drop by? Pot doesn’t hurt anyone. All it does is make you feel good and give you the munchies. What’s wrong with that?

Life is hard these days. We have a lot of unemployment. The cost of everything is going up. Cars are so expensive and they break down. Who can afford to buy a house when you have a big student loan? And have you checked out the increases in health insurance?

The only way to cope is to get a buzz now and then. Thank goodness in Tulsa we have made sure that it is a whole lot easier to get drunk on a regular basis and quickly as possible.