Some insightful observations on the 2013 football season
Football season is upon us and I need to make some keen insights and predictions.
- I will win the Tulsa Beacon Expert Football Picks. I have been holding back for several years now because my fellow pickers have such fragile psyches. But I owe it to you, the readers, to give the best predictions I possibly can.
- Trevor Knight will start at quarterback for Oklahoma. Coach Bob Stoops delayed naming a starter to keep Blake Bell and Kendall Thompson from getting discouraged (or transferring). Knight has astounded coaches and fellow teammate in practice and could be a four-year star at OU.
- Clint Chelf will start at quarterback for OSU. Again, experience is the key factor in this decision.
- The Dallas Cowboys will go 8-8 and the coach’s job will be in jeopardy. Key injuries – particularly in the offensive line – will be blamed for the poor record.
- Tulsa will win their C-USA division and the league title. They will win the Liberty Bowl and be ranked in the Top 25 at the end of the year. Coach Bill Blankenship will get some votes for coach of the year and some potential job opportunities.
- Texas A&M will beat Alabama at Alabama but the Tide will still win the conference and go to the national title game.
- OSU will beat Mississippi State (Big 12 vs. SEC), TCU will beat LSU (Big 12 vs. SEC) and Texas will beat Mississippi (Big 12 vs. SEC).
- OU and Texas will be co-champions of the Big 12 with OSU at No. 3. Texas will win the Red River Rivalry but fall to Kansas State while OU will go 11-1 in the regular season. Both will wind up in a BCS bowl.
- OSU running back Jeremy Smith will lead the Big 12 in rushing (around 1,600 yards).
- Blake Bell might play some at tight end for OU. He will definitely play in Belldozer package in almost every game.
- OU will beat Notre Dame in South Bend.
- The St. Louis Rams will go 9-7 and lose in the first round of the playoffs. Sam Bradford will be in the top five in quarterback rankings and the Rams will seek to extend or renegotiate his hefty contract.
- Privately, Pittsburgh Steeler coaches will rave about Landry Jones but publicly it will only be criticism. Jones will become the No. 2 quarterback sometime during the season and other teams will inquire about a trade.
- Dez Bryant will lead the NFC in receptions and yardage.
- Adrian Peterson will rush for more than 2,000 yards.
- Demarco Murray will rush for more than 1,000 yards but will get hurt. Joseph Randle will fill in nicely.
- Iowa State will upset Kansas State.
- Jenks or Union will win the state football title (this is a lock).
- TU’s Trey Watts will lead C-USA in all-purpose yardage.
- College football fans will long for the BCS after it is gone.
- Shane Saunders will lead the Big 12 in receiving.
- West Virginia will go 6-6.
- Missouri will be in last place in the West Division of the SEC.
- Green Bay will win the Super Bowl.
- No one will score more than 40 points on Mike Stoops’ defense this year.
- Coach Mike Gundy will entertain but not accept a potential job offer somewhere in Texas.
- Bob Stoops will get another contract extension.
- Kentucky will go 6-6 and get a bowl bid. (Mark Stoops is the new coach).
- The Oklahoma Thunder will win the Western Conference title and fall to Miami in the NBA finals. (I know that isn’t a football comment but I felt like I had to toss it in).
- NFL teams will use the no-huddle offense more often.
- SEC teams will use the no-huddle offense more often.
- Nick Saban will complain about the no-huddle offense more often.
- OU, Texas and OSU will finish in the Top 10.
- TU’s Cody Green will make some All-American lists.
- Louisiana-Monroe will win its conference.
- UCLA will win the Pac-12 Conference, Ohio State will win the Big 10 Conference and Clemson will win the ACC.
- Johnny Football will not repeat as the Heisman winner. Quarterback Teddy Bridgewater of Louisville will win it against a soft schedule.
- RGIII (Washington Redskins), Andrew Luck (Indianapolis Colts) and Russell Wilson (Seattle Seahawks) will all have “sophomore slumps.”
- Colorado and Utah will regret joining the Pac-12.
- Nebraska, which has eight home games and only four games on the road, will lose to UCLA (home), Michigan (away) and Michigan State (home).
- OU will sell out all its home games.
- OSU will continue a goofy ticket policy.
- TU’s only sold-out game will be at OU, although the Iowa State home game could be close.
• Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.”
“I can’t,” Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”
“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.”
“Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”
“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.”
“Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”
“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.”
“Can’t do that either” responds Jim.
“Why not?” demanded the exasperated cop.
“Well, because I’m drunk!”…
• A drunk man walks out of a bar and sees an ambulance speeding down the street with it’s sirens blaring. The drunk man dashes after the ambulance at full speed, finally collapsing on the ground, two blocks later.
The man then looks at the ambulance speeding away, and screams on the top of his lungs, “I don’t care, keep your stupid ice cream.”
• A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car.
“They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” the drunk said with a hiccup.
“I got in the back seat by mistake.”