The more spam I get, the greater chance I won’t buy anything
I went on vacation recently for five days and when I returned, I had 1,300 e-mails in my in-box. The day I left, I cleared all my e-mails but I did not go online during the whole vacation.
More than 90 percent were spam. I have consequently reset my spam controls in hopes that I will not have 300 or so worthless e-mails to wade through each day.
I have never purchased any item or service based on spam. It’s a complete waste of time to send them to me. I understand that it is a numbers game and if you send out a million e-mails, you will find someone gullible enough to bite.
I also have spent hours replying to spam indicating that I wanted to unsubscribe. In fact, in September I responded 50 times to a host of spam e-mails indicating that I did not want to receive any more.
It made no difference.
Here are some of the e-mails I received:
- $500 life insurance policy for $20
(Who buys life insurance on the Internet?)
(I already have a love connection – my wife).
-Business funding is now available
(No, it’s not).
-Open the door to a pain free life
(Stopping useless e-mails would ease my pain).
- Dr. Oz Miracle Diet Burns Fat for Good – Anita Bennett
(If it is miraculous, why didn’t Dr. Oz send this message himself?)
- Confidently shop for the bra you want
(I’m not in the market for women’s underwear).
- Controlling blood sugar is easier now than ever
(Controlling blood pressure is harder with this type of marketing).
- Don’t pay full price for printer ink. Save with 1ink.com
(I get my copy supplies from All-Copy Supplies).
- $1 smartphone sale
(They can’t be too smart or they wouldn’t sell their product for a dollar).
- What is the best multi-vitamin you know? – Tammera H.
- Active senior living
(How did I get on this list?)
- Affordable surface paint for garages, decks and patios
(I don’t usually buy paint online).
- President’s affordable home program may help cut your mortgage payments up to $3,000/year
- Earn extra cash – online surveys
(Not going to happen).
- Investigate the hottest spy cameras online
(If I look at them, how do I know they are not looking at me?)
- Boost serotonin levels
(If I knew what that was, I might want a bottle of it).
- Pure garcinia cambogia extract
(I wouldn’t want the adulterated garcinia cambogia extract).
- Find out if you qualify for a grant – education grants
(Maybe this is why Johnny can’t read or count).
- Now is the time to publish your works
(Would-be authors pay a lot to get crumby books in print).
- Compare arthritis pain remedies now
(It’s really rotten to promise relief to people in pain and then not deliver).
- View photos of local match.com singles
- Find the refrigerator you’ve been looking for
(I already found it – that’s why I need the miracle belly fat pill).
- Get $1,000 today with bad credit
(Gee, think how much I could get with good credit).
- You qualify for 4 Six Flags passes – Please respond
(Please leave me alone).
- Stock up on support hosiery today
(In the movie Paper Moon, Ryan O’Neal said a woman was in a doctor’s office and began to roll down her nylons, turn them inside out and put them back on. When he asked why, she said the magazine she was reading was so exciting, she “had to turn the hose on herself.”)
- NASA doctor reveals how to reverse brain age
(Could you explain that to me several times very slowly?)
- The truth about carbs, blood sugar and fat loss
(The truth is, eat less, exercise more).
- An online doctorate may boost your income
(An doctorate from Somalia doesn’t really dress up a resume that much).
Earn a bachelor’s degree online
These e-mails are in the same category as computer-generated telephone calls. I will not talk to a computer on the telephone.
Again, they must make millions of these calls without the expense of a human on both lines to get enough sales to justify pestering the rest of the world.
• Three social workers were sitting in the waiting room outside the pearly gates when St. Peter called the first one up to the desk.
“So, what have you done to deserve to come in here, my dear?” asked the old gatekeeper.
“Well, I was a psychiatric social worker at the local hospital. I worked many long hours under stressful conditions and helped to save many lives, ” she said.
“Come right in, then, and make yourself at home for all eternity,” St. Peter told her.
When asked what she had done to deserve to walk the streets of gold, the second social worker replied,
“Well, I was a social worker at the local mental health clinic during my lifetime. I worked many long hours under stressful conditions and helped the team save many lives.”
“Come right in, then, and make yourself at home for all eternity,” replied St. Peter.
“Now, tell me what you have done to deserve to sing with the angels,” he asked of the third social worker.
“Well, I worked for an insurance company during my lifetime. I worked many long hours under stressful conditions and I helped to save the company a lot of money,” she beamed.
St. Peter looked puzzled for a moment, but then said, “Come right in and enjoy the wonders of Heaven. But don’t get too comfortable . . . you can only stay for three days!”
• IRS: “Hello, is this the church?”
Pastor: “It is.”
IRS: “This is the IRS. We need to verify some tax information submitted by one of your members. Can you help us?”
Pastor: “I think I can, what’s your question?”
IRS: “Do you know a Ted Hooligan?”
Pastor: “I do.”
IRS: “Is he a member of your congregation?”
“Did he donate $10,000?”
Pastor: “He will.”
• A man recently had a near death experience that has changed him forever. It happened the other day when he went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control.
He tried with all his might to hang on, but was quickly thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, his foot got caught in the stirrup as he was being thrown off. Because this happened, he fell head first to the ground. His head continued to bounce harder and harder, because his foot was still caught in the stirrup, and the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged the horse ride.