The following is a previously published column.
I used to hate the summer heat.
For the first 30 years of my professional life, I wore a coat and tie to work. In the late 1970s, former President Jimmy Carter tried to get professional men to dress less formally to save money on energy. (He also mandated a 55-mph speed limit and neither policy was popular).
I wore a suit or a sport coat and slacks to work every day and I wore a tie. Even when we started our business – the Glenpool Post newspaper – in 1984, I continued to dress up every day.
I liked looking well-dressed but it was brutal in August in Oklahoma. As soon as I got to work, off came the coat and sometimes I loosened the tie. When you look at the way people dressed in the early 20th Century, you wonder how they didn’t die of heat stroke.
Now, very few men wear a coat and tie in the summer. I don’t. I might don a sports coat if I am going to a fancy luncheon or meeting a dignitary. Very rarely these days do I wear a suit and tie.
Our church is fairly large (1,500 on Sunday mornings) and the entire range of clothing is represented. Pastor Nick Garland (First Baptist Church of Broken Arrow) almost always wears a coat and tie. Some of the older men will wear a coat and tie every Sunday, even in the heat of August.
The younger folks at church will wear casual clothes, particularly in the summer. Women wear sandals and young men wear polo shirts. I always wear a nice collared shirt and slacks. There’s no right or wrong on how you dress but everyone seems more comfortable these days.
I visited a conservative church in Tulsa where all the men wore coats and ties in the summer and almost all of the women wore dresses. That congregation thinks that you should wear you “Sunday best” when you show up for church and they make a credible argument.
I sweat and I use a deodorant but not an antiperspirant. Antiperspirants have chemicals that aren’t good for you and it is good for you to sweat. Your skin is cleansed when the pores open up and release toxins.
It is embarrassing when there is high humidity and you are wearing a shirt that changes color because you are sweating.
When I work out in the yard in August, I sweat. It doesn’t matter what I am doing or how long – I am going to sweat because I live in Tulsa and it is hot and humid. After working in the yard, I come inside and cool off and then take a shower. Sometimes that’s a cold shower.
I try not to overdo it in the summer heat. When it is cool, I could mow my entire lawn in one hour without getting overheated. But in August, it’s best to mow part one day and part another day. And it’s best to mow shortly after sunrise or just before sunset. I do the trimming, which takes about 30 minutes, on a separate day to avoid overheating.
Another key to enduring the heat is to drink a lot of water. My brother Jon says he drinks a gallon of water a day. He’s a retired math teacher but for years he was an assistant football coach for middle school boys in Union Schools.
Jon knows the value of staying hydrated, especially in the August heat.
For over 20 years, I have been a loyal water drinker. I went to the emergency room three times in two years 24 years ago and as a result, I determined to drink a lot of water. I drink almost a gallon a day plus two cups of coffee in the morning. That has virtually eliminated my problems with stones. By the way, this is the time of the year that most people develop kidney stones because they don’t drink enough water. If your urine is dark, you aren’t drinking enough.
I don’t sleep well when the bedroom is hot. We run a ceiling fan plus the air conditioning in the summer. When I was a kid growing up in Tulsa, we didn’t have air conditioning at home and we slept with a box fan stuck in a window. That worked pretty well if you were covered with just a sheet and no blanket.
I try to enjoy the summer heat these days. Exiting an airconditioned building into a blast of hot, humid air, is refreshing if you think of it as luxurious sauna.
Fall is my favorite season but there’s no reason to dread the summer. I wouldn’t want to live in an area that didn’t experience all four seasons every year.
I’ve been to the tropics and near Siberia and I would rather deal with heat in Tulsa in August.
Jokes?
– Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.
– My boss just texted me: “Send me one of your funny jokes!”
I texted him back: “I’m busy working. I’ll send one later.”
“That’s hilarious,” he said. “Send another one!”
– I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
– I hate Russian dolls – they’re so full of themselves.
– My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
– I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
– I’ve been dating a homeless woman recently, and I think it’s starting to get serious…
She’s asked me to move out with her.
– I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn…
But they said they couldn’t do anything about crows and to stop calling them.
– I almost got caught stealing a board game today.
But it was a Risk I was willing to take.
– My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her of her feet.
– What’s made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
– What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
– My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?
– After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table.
I needed a run up, but I made it.
– I got an e-mail saying, “At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!” and I thought…
“That’s just spam.”