For almost 37 years, for Valentines Day I have:

• Bought my wife red roses.
• Purchased a romantic Hallmark card.
• Given her a box of chocolate candy.
• Taken her out to eat at a nice restaurant.

That’s pretty much my plan for 2019 and years beyond.

But these days, there are some clever options for Valentines Day.

How about a hunk of Cheddar cheese shaped as a heart? Some outfit in Britain sells organic, heart-shaped Cheddar for that unique gift.

Also in Britain, you can buy a bright red heart-shaped umbrella or a personalized 12-inch vinyl record. You pick the songs and the record cover is printed with your Valentine message.

If you are single and dating, it can be difficult to give your sweetie a gift that is appropriate to the point you are at in your relationship.

If you have just started dating, cheese might be a good idea. If you have been seeing each other for a while, you could buy two personalized coffee mugs with your name and her name.

If you are in a serious relationship, buy a nice photo of the two of you and don’t go cheap on the frame. This is very sentimental.

If you are newlyweds, give a spare key to your car. (Maybe she will be nice and not drive it.)

A book would be a nice Valentines gift. Check the title and the subject. This could be a home run or get you into really hot water.

If the wife wants to buy something unique for her husband, how about a bouquet made of beef jerky? You can actually order these online but it would mean so much more to him if you hand selected the beef jerky and made the bouquet yourself.

People also sell bouquets made of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Here is a very strange Valentine gift for a man – a beard bouquet. You order this and you get nine clip-on roses for about $15.

Get this. You can order chocolate candy that looks like marijuana in a jar. I guess this is the only thing shaped like cannabis buds that don’t make you hungry. If you buy this, you better hope you don’t get pulled over if you don’t have a medical marijuana license.

There is a “talking Donald Trump” Valentines Day card. He says, “We share one heart and one glorious destiny.”

Sometimes, a Valentine gift doesn’t aim to communicate love or affection. You can buy a “revenge piñata” – complete with a photo of you ex-boyfriend on the outside. I guess that’s one way to “get even.”

Another ex-boyfriend Valentine is a rat replica in a fancy gift box.

You can buy a pink barbecue set with spatulas, tongs, etc. The only problem is that outdoor barbecuing is usually done by guys.

Most guys would probably like a subscription for Oreo cookies. When you order this, you get two boxes of Oreos, an Oreo-themed gift and a monthly box of Oreos sent to your home.

If you are a drinker, you get a cocktail kit that looks like a chemistry set. If you don’t like that, how about a whiskey flask that is hidden inside a book?

By the way, don’t ever buy a small appliance for your wife on Valentines Day. It will send the wrong message and convince her that you don’t have a romantic bone in your body.

The only exception might be a small chocolate fountain – like the big one they have a Golden Corral. She might take offense, but after all, it is chocolate.

I don’t buy bubble bath powder or fragrant lotions for my wife because she has an allergic reaction to some of them. This also why I don’t wear cologne. We have scented candles but that would be a cheap Valentines gift.

Chocolate-dipped strawberries are a great gift. But there are two things to remember. First, they only have a shelf life of about 48 hours – so you can’t buy them in advance. And secondly, buy more that she will want to eat in two days – otherwise she won’t share.

And if you buy a box of chocolates, most women I know prefer dark chocolate.

Some men buy a plant for their wife on Valentines and I guess that’s OK. I buy red roses. Even though they only last a few days, they can’t be beat as a symbol of true love.

Finally, you don’t have to take her to the most expensive restaurant. Find one where you don’t normally go.

Make sure the food is good and that the dining room isn’t too noisy. You want to be able to have a nice conversation on Valentines Day.

It seems like a lot of work but she is worth it.