The following is a previously published column from 2020.
Here are few observations from life while living under the dark cloud of a coronavirus.
– About one third of the people who shop in grocery stores with marked one-way aisles go the wrong way. They are:
- In too big of a hurry to care.
- They didn’t notice the arrows taped to the floor.
- They don’t want to follow someone else’s rules.
- They mistakenly went down the wrong aisle and are horrified to see all the foot traffic headed their way.
(I have a confession. Even though I try to follow the arrows at Walmart and Reasor’s, I have gone down the wrong aisle by mistake).
– Some of our friends go to a church that has had a “parking lot” service where people go to the church and park and listen to the service on their radio. The wife likes this arrangement and likes to get dressed up and go sit in the car. The husband would rather dress sloppily and sit in his living room and listen on the radio.
– I wear a mask when I go shopping or to the Post Office, not to protect myself so much but to show other people that am concerned enough to not sneeze or cough on them.
We bought some rubber gloves that I usually wear to protect myself from surface germs.
Whenever I go into a store wearing a mask and gloves, I feel like I’m going to rob the place or I am going to clean someone’s teeth.
– Our Sunday School class uses Zoom for an hour every Sunday morning after we watch our pastor’s sermon on You Tube. I like Zoom because you can see everyone and because only one person can talk at a time.
But I miss church. I miss our choir and I miss singing Christian songs. We are supposed to sing along with the You Tube service but it is just not the same.
– My in-law’s TV went dark on Mother’s Day. We volunteered to get them a new since they are on lockdown in their retirement cottage.
We searched the Internet and found one they wanted at Best Buy on 71st Street next to Highway 169.
I drove to the parking lot and rolled down my window to show an employee a printout that showed they had one of those TVs in stock. He took my printout and a credit card and directed me to park.
A few minutes later he returned with the TV and my receipt.
Even though it was convenient, it was the strangest TV purchase that I have ever made.
– The Tulsa County Courthouse is slowly re-opening. People pay us to publish legal notices and I usually pick them up three times a week. With the coronavirus, the courthouse has been closed for weeks and the district courts were shut down.
The courthouse is usually such a beehive of activity, it was strange to see it so empty.
(By the way, we are in the third week of 36-page papers because Tulsa County Treasurer Dennis Semler is publishing a delinquent property tax list. It runs for four weeks and concludes in the June 4 issue. We get a bigger list to publish in September. It’s about twice as big).
– I got my first haircut in seven weeks two weeks ago. I usually get a haircut every four weeks. But the coronavirus shut down hair salons and barbershops. My barber offered to cut my hair at his house but I declined.
So, I got a little shaggy. It felt like I was back in the 1970s.
– On Mother’s Day, we ordered take out steaks from Outback Steakhouse. Before the coronavirus, restaurants were packed for lunch and dinner on Mother’s Day.
Outback’s dining room was open but my in-laws were on lockdown, so we offered to bring them dinner. Plus, Outback had prime rib that night.
The restaurant looked packed and there was a bunch of folks picking up to-go dinners. We had pre-ordered our steaks on Friday and scheduled a 5:30 p.m. pickup.
I got there on time but it took about 20 minutes to pick up our order.
I don’t usually tip when I order food to go but the poor waitress was so busy, I added money to the tab. I am going to start making that a habit because the wait staff depends so heavily on tips and they don’t get any with empty or half-empty dining rooms.
– Finally, our printer had some problems last week and we got the papers a day late. We usually mail on Wednesday but last week it was on Thursday. Thanks to you subscribers for their understanding.
Good news, bad news…
– Doctor to patient: “Unfortunately, I’ve got good news and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news.”
Doctor: “They’re going to name a disease after you…”
– A wife came home and told her husband, “I’ve got some good news and bad news.”
Husband: “What’s the good news?”
Wife: “The airbag works on our new BMW.”
– The bad news is a friend of mine fell into an upholstering machine and got injured.
The good news is that now he is fully recovered.
– Two Irish men came to inform a friend’s wife bad news.
“We have terrible news,” one said. “Your husband fell into a huge vat of beer and drowned.”
“Oh, no,” she said. “At least he died a sudden death and didn’t suffer.”
“Well, we are not sure about that,” he replied, “because he got out three times to go to the bathroom.”
– An attorney tells his client, “I have good news and bad news.”
“What’s the bad news?” the accused asks.
“The bad news is that they used DNA to identify your blood at the crime scene.”
“What’s the good news?”
“Your cholesterol is 130.”
– A minister stood in front of his congregation and announced, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program.
“The bad news is that it’s still in your pockets.”
– God called down to Moses and said, “I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”
Moses replied, “Most awesome God, if I have brought you any favor please give me the good news first.”
“Moses, the good news is that I’ve chosen you to deliver my people from bondage,” God answered. “I will force Pharaoh to release my children by causing years of pestilence in Egypt. There will be plagues of locusts and frogs and incredible devastation upon the land. Pharaoh’s armies will chase you as you try to leave, but do not fear because I will part the waters of the Red Sea to aid in your escape.”
“And the bad news?” Moses inquired.
“You have to prepare the Environmental Impact Statement,” God replied.