Some of Charley’s jokes from a previous column:

An old man was a witness in a burglary case.

The defense lawyer asked the old man, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”

“Yes,” said the old man.  “I saw him plainly take the goods.”

The lawyer asked, “This happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?”

“Yes,” said the old ma.  “I saw him do it.”

Then the lawyer asked him, “Listen, you are 90 years old and your eyesight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?”

The old man thought for a few moments, then said, “I can see the moon, how far is that?”

Actual newspaper classified ads…

• For sale, complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
• 1996 Honda Civic, low miles, good condition, speaks Spanish, $3,500
• Human skull, used once only. Not plastic. $200
• Surgeon wanted for new health clinic. No experience needed. Must have own tools.
• Waitress needed. Must be 18 years old with 20 years’ experience.
• Pony for sale – looks like a small horse…
• Dog for sale – Eats anything and is fond of children.
• Avid male runner seeks female running partner. Looks not important. Must be tall, slim and attractive.
• Teacher needed: 3-year-old teacher needed for preschool, experience preferred.
• Customer dry cleaning: We do not tear your clothes. We do it carefully by hand.
• Cab drivers needed. Must have valid drivers’ license, clean driving record and documented criminal record.
• Wanted – SCUBA diving instructor, no experience necessary
• Edtior wanted
• This large personal ad cost me $350 to run. Needless to say, on our first date, we will be going Dutch.