Here are some more headlines from Babylonbee.com, a Christian satirical website.

Public School Teachers Issue Students Their Summer Book Burning Lists

This list includes The Cat in the Hat, When Harry Became Sally, Irreversible Damage, etc.

“According to sources, many public schools are de-emphasizing reading — which encourages critical thinking — in favor of activism, which is much easier since you can just have one smart person do the reading for you and tell you what to think,” states the BabylonBee.

Are Your Kids Going to Grow Up to Be Democrats? Know the Warning Signs

Those signs include expecting free food, clothing and housing; constant whining; is happily unemployed; has a short attention span and others.

Golden Globe Award for “Not Being a Pervert” Goes Unclaimed Once Again

“Desperate to find a new way to keep viewers interested, the team at the Golden Globes is considering some other categories that may be more relevant, such as ‘Most Oppressed Celebrity’, ‘Biggest Political Activist Acting As An Actor’ and ‘Obama’s Favorite Actor,’” according to the Babylon Bee.

Cuomo Assures Public He Always Kept Mask on While Sexually Harassing Women

“Gov. Cuomo went on to explain how some of his sexual jokes may not have landed with the women since they couldn’t see his facial expressions. He also claimed that the women may have misheard him since his words were muffled by his mask and they were standing so far apart,” the Babylon Bee stated.

Democrats Offer Compromise That Unborn Babies are Three-Fifths of a Person

“Under the proposed Constitutional amendment, unborn babies will be protected for three-fifths of their gestation, will be allowed to keep three-fifths of their limbs, and will be counted as three-fifths of a person for the purposes of representation in Congress,” according to the Babylon Bee.

Absent-minded Joe Biden Accidentally Mails Stimulus Checks To Defense Contractors Instead of Americans

“Biden quickly called the defense contractors to get the checks returned, but it was too late, as they had already cashed them, purchased a bunch of bombs and shipped them over to the Middle East to get dropped on Syria.” – Babylon Bee.

G.I. Joe To Be Replaced With Genderless G.I. Pat

“G.I. Pat comes with a Molotov cocktail, a brick, and a cute miniature copy of The Communist Manifesto. You can accessorize your G.I. Pat with genderless clothes, androgynous accessories, and fun equipment like smartphones that just play asinine TikTok videos and social justice lectures all day for your miniature action hero.” – Babylon Bee

Coca-Cola Holds Training Telling Polar Bears To Be Less White

“One polar bear protested, saying he’s actually black underneath and it’s just the outer fur that’s white. He was told that facts are tools of polar bear supremacy, and by protesting the idea that he might be a bear racist, he was in fact perpetuating bear racism. He’s been assigned an extra thousand hours of diversity training before he’ll be allowed back in Coca-Cola commercials.” – Babylon Bee

American Christians Just Glad Pastors Only Getting Arrested In Far-Off Foreign Countries Like Canada

“According to studies, Christians in America are extremely happy to live in a free country, and that pastors like James Coates of GraceLife Church are only getting arrested in far-off countries such as Canada.

“’We are so blessed to have religious freedom in America,’” said Brad Winfrey, a local Christian. ‘Unfortunately, the far-off, exotic country known as ‘Canada’ has been arresting pastors, and that’s a real shame. Good thing that will never happen here.’” – Babylon Bee

After Becoming Senate Budget Committee Chair, Bernie Sanders Quickly Googles, ‘What Is A Budget’

“I was shocked, quite frankly, by what I found,” said the 79-year-old senator. “Budgets seem to be a way to limit your spending to keep it below your income—and that’s just inhumane. A limit on spending is a limit on your humanity. My first act as committee chair will be to abolish these horrible things called ‘budgets.’” – Babylon Bee

Calling Someone Without Texting Them First Officially Classified As A Hate Crime

“Calling someone without texting them first is hereby declared a hate crime,” said the judge solemnly as he banged his gavel down. “May anyone who does this be torn apart by rabid wolves, fed to the wolves, put back together using the miracle of modern medicine, and then have the process repeated.” – Babylon Bee

Find more Christian satire at Babylonbee.com.