Did you ever have a favorite song but there were some lyrics that were a little jumbled and you had no idea what they were?

It happens all the time.

• In the song, I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight by Cutting Crew, one phrase is, “I Just died in your arms tonight, it must have been something you said.” Some people think the phrase was, “I just died in your barn tonight, mustard – no mayonnaise instead.”
• Queen in We Will Rock You sings, “Kicking your can all over the place.” Some think the lyric was, “Kicking your cat all over the place.”
• Another Queen song, Dancing Queen, has “See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen.” Some think it says, “See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen.”
• In Tiny Dancer, Elton John sings, “Hold me closer, tiny dancer.” It sounds like, “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.”
• In We Are Family, Sister Sledge sings, “Just let me state for the record…” To some, it sounds like, “Let me just staple the vicar.”
• Starship’s We Built This City has the lyric, “We built this city on rock ‘n’ roll.” It sounds like, “We built this city on sausage rolls.”
• Jimi Hendrix in Purple Haze sings, “Excuse me while I kiss the sky.” It sure sounds like, “Excuse me while I kiss this guy.”
• Johnny Nash in I Can See Clearly Now sings, “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.” That kinda sounds like, “I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”
• The Monkees sang I’m a Believer with the lyrics, “Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer.” It sure sounds like, “Then I saw her face, now I’m gonna leave her.”
• The Bee Gees’ More Than a Woman has the lyrics, “More than a woman…more than a woman to me.” Don’t listen too carefully and you might hear, “Bald-headed woman…bald-headed woman to me.”
• Remember the Fifth Dimension? They sang Aquarius with the lyrics, “This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.” It sounds like, “This is the dawning of the Age of Asparagus.”
• Elvis in Suspicious Minds sings, “We’re caught in a trap.” It could be, “We’re calling a trout.”
• Garth Brooks in Friends in Low Places sings, “I’m not big on social graces…” But he might have sung “I’m not big on sausage gravy…”
• Remember Creedence Clearwater Revival? They sang Bad Moon Rising with “There’s a bad moon on the rise.” It sounds like “There’s a bathroom n the right.”
• Bob Dylan sang Blowin’ in the Wind with, “The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind…” It could be “The ants are my friends, they’re blowin’ in the wind…”
• Don’t forget the Beatles. in Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, they sing “Lucy in disguise with diamonds.”
• Billy Joel sang We Didn’t Start the Fire with the lyrics, “We didn’t start the fire/it was always burning since world’s been turning.” It sounds like, “We didn’t start the fire/it was always burning said the worst attorney.”
• Simon and Garfunkel sang Cecilia with the lyrics, “I’m begging you please to come home.” It could be “I’m baking you peas to come home.”
• Don McLean in American Pie sang, “Bye, bye Miss American Pie.” Maybe it was, “Bye, buy this Samaritan pie.”
• Abba sang Take a Chance on Me with the lyrics, “If you change your mind take a chance, I’m the first in line, take a chance.” It sounds like, “If you change your mind, Jackie Chan, I’m the first in line, Jackie Chan.”
• Crystal Gayle in Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue could be singing, “Donuts make my brown eyes blue.”
• The group America sang Horse With No Name with the lyrics, “You see I’ve been through the desert with a horse with no name.” Someone thought it was, “You see I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no brain.”
• Isaac Hayes in Shaft sings, “He’s a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman.” It sounds like, “He’s a carpet cleaning man but no one understands him but his woman.”
• Christian artist James Rowe recorded Love Lifted Me with the lyrics, “Love lifted me, love lifted me, when nothing else would do, you know love lifted me.” Someone has suggested it sounds like, “Love Lipton tea, love Lipton tea, when nothing else would do, you know, love Lipton tea.”

The lesson here is to listen more carefully and to check the Internet for the real lyrics to songs.

Hilarious jokes…

– My first job was working at an orange juice factory.

But I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.

– My son refused to join the family business – a music radio station – and become a deejay. Six months later, he came back and begged me for a job.

Oh, how the turntables.

– I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers.

What are the odds?

– What do you get when you mix a caribou with an antelope?

A cantaloupe.

– If I could be a superhero, I would be “Aluminum Man.”

My super power would be foiling crime.

– How many people can you fit on a bus in Rio de Janeiro?

About 25 Brazilian.

– For her birthday, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.

It’s the little things that count.

– Last night in jail, they put chocolate mints on our pillows before we went to bed.

I thought they would be gross but they were pretty good. It turns out in-prison mint isn’t as bad as I thought.

– What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

A baboom.

– Instead of a swear jar, I have a “negativity jar.” Every time I have a pessimistic thought, I put a dollar in it.

It’s currently half empty.

– What do you call an Irishman who is so hyperactive that he is literally bouncing off the walls?

Rick O’Shea.

– What are the preferred gender pronouns for a chocolate bar?

Her/she.

– A Scotsman goes skiing in Canada. Afterward a hard day, he goes to the bar at the bottom of the mountain and drinks six whiskeys.

Then he notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.

“What’s that?” he asks the bartender.

“It’s a moose,” the bartender said.

“Wow,” said the drunken Scotsman. “How big are the cats?”